Ok I did sleep earlier, but now I am wide awake. I've played 12 sets of Candy Crush damnit, hate that stupid time wasting game. I re-read my friend's blogs, looked up some old burning man pics, thought about reading, and then remembered I even started this blog. And kind of let it drop.
So I'm on vacation in two days, and the first thing I'm having done is my very first ever colonoscopy. I am so excited. It is really amazing how my perspective in life has changed. I used to think about boys, and clothes, shoes, makeup, boys, going out, going to the beach, boys, drinking, partying, boys.
Now I am focused on my health. I had a heart monitor on for two weeks, which I'm betting comes back with normal results, the fluttering in my heart that I had been feeling for months did not occur but ONE time while I was wearing that annoying damn thing. Whatever. Meantime, I have a friend in the middle of a legitimate health scare. Rectal cancer. Preceded by a double mastectomy last year. Jesus, why does it have to pour all down on one person? She's in the middle of treatment right now, and her husband is with her. He is her rock, and I am so proud of their commitment to fighting together. It is humbling and lifts me to see their love for each other. Hey it ain't perfect, but what is and that's not the point. The point is they are together, a team. United. And although I know Shannon is the one experiencing the pain and side effects (affects???) of this treatment, Mark is there, always there. Quiet and supportive. I love them. I hope someday I meet someone who I can count on to fight alongside me, whatever the battle is, even if it's just living every day in this crazy f***ed up world.
So I'm worried about Shannon, and hoping she is ok, knowing she will (this is one competitive chick, no way is she letting cancer get the best of her!) fuck cancer hard where it counts.
In the meantime, I've started therapy. I had a pretty scary situation about 3 months ago, my oldest son was in the middle of a major depression and needed some intervention. Took all my strength and emotional resources to do what needed to be done, and it left me....pretty freaked. And sick of facing everything ALONE!!! Realizing I had some issues to resolve from waaaayyy back, I started seeing a therapist. It is going well!!! I have dug up some pretty nasty memories and faced them with her, she is supportive and very gentle, and has taught me some relaxation techniques that are helping me to stay calm and recognize these are memories, not happening anymore. I feel like this post is all over the place, but I haven't written anything in a while. Just getting it out feels good.
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