Slimmingly yours...

Over the past 2 years, I have gained and lost the same 15 pounds. I had been religiously working out, eating right, spinning, and avoiding too much alcohol. Well, then I got into a relationship with an alcoholic who loved to drink and smoke and munch on bad food and not exercise. A year and a half later, I'm not the same woman!! In addition to gaining weight, I have no ambition to exercise. None. Blah. I used to spend two hours at the gym on Sat and Sunday mornings, and at least 1 or 2 days during the week. And I loved it!! I loved lifting and feeling powerful and strong. Now I love lounging and feeling bloated and supine. Sigh. How to get it back???? Where is my motivation? Is it because I've gone so far from that slimmer, more energetic woman, or is it just like they say, a body at rest tends to stay at rest? Plus, I'm older (not that much, but still, the metabolism changes) and it's that much harder to get a decent start going on weight loss....I know what to do, too. I know exactly how to change my body, even if it is a little harder now, I could do it if I really wanted. So what is it? Something to think about, for sure.

Ok, next day, thinking it over, having a dream about being stuck in between two slabs of wood, or some hard substance...my dad and my social life????

I'm at work, and when I'm at work, I'm an entirely different person, energetic, upbeat, smiling, comforting. I can be all those things at any time if I chose to, but at work is where I feel it's best directed. During the work day, I don't have time to snack until the afternoon. That's when it all just blows out. I see donuts on the break room table, I'll eat two instead of one or better yet, NONE. Pizza for lunch from the drug reps? I can scarf down three pieces without even fully tasting them. My relationships with my co-workers are friendly but pulled back, I've finally learned the advantage of NOT sharing my personal life with the people that have to look at me everyday. So a lot of holding back, a lot of denying myself pleasure. I don't even have sex with myself anymore. That makes me want to cry. Really, I can feel the tears of self pity welling up in my eyes, and I have a patient in the room so I have to pull it together.